PONDniPIATOT

Luma...

2012-02-10T01:53:00.000-08:00

Found this in drafts while cleaning up my mails...

You will always be my best friend. The only thing constantly present in this business of life is uncertainty, as I am these days because I don’t know where it will take me. I am grateful to have known you, to have been best friends with you, if only for these past few years.

Apart from my favorite past time sometimes na pikunin ka, and how this always earns me a glare and neck-hair-standing-jagged-look from you, there was never a time that I thought of you as being on the “other side” because I know you will always be on mine.

For the many times when things were about to break, I got through just knowing you are there somewhere, and that after talking to you, I’ll feel better.

I’ll just think of this a detour in the journey of you and me. With that comes a wish that one day, our roads will meet again. We will again find the rakenrol in us, and pick up where we left off…

:D

The ones before me....

2012-01-10T21:44:00.000-08:00

I am one to have a really soft spot for the elderly. I guess this is the result of having spent all summers with my lolas from Grade 3 until both of them passed away shortly after college. Every year, I pack my bags a week before school ends, giddy with excitement to spend the school break in Iloilo with Lola Penang (mom's side) and Lola Enar in Bacolod (dad's side). I slept beside them the whole duration of my stay.

I feel sad though, that I haven't met any of my lolos because both of them passed away way before I was born. Reason why I bawl everytime I watch this clip...

Monday, monday!

2012-01-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

Two morning meetings, plus one updates with the boss. Lappy's acting up, getting schizo and shit. Still need to do the memo that I have put off for three weeks now. Read a document. And draft one. Clear my mails and organize my thoughts. (huh?).Lunch for now.

One hundred...

2012-01-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

In my room on a quiet Saturday night, I found myself typing away...

Lasts...
1. Last beverage — Coke Light.
2. Last phone call — Incoming, Judith Lampa.
3. Last text message — To Levy, to greet her a happy birthday. 
4. Last song you listened to — White Houses by Vanessa Carlton.
5. Last time you cried — Wednesday night, January 4.

Have you ever…
6. Dated someone twice — Always.
7. Been cheated on — Not proud of it, but yes.
8. Kissed someone and regretted it — Yes.
9. Lost someone special — Yes. Death. Friends. Relationships.
10. Been depressed — Who hasn’t? But I’m still here ain’t I?

List four favorite colors:
11. Brown.
12. Gray.
13. Black.
14. Blue.

Last year (2011), have you…
15. Made a new friend — Yes, many.
16. Fallen out of love — No. We should spread the love, always.
17. Laughed until you cried — Hell, yes! 
18. Met someone who changed you — Not sure. I think this is not for me to say. 
19. Found out who your true friends were — I’ve known who they are a long time ago.
20. Found out someone was talking about you — Don’t know, don’t care. If yes, don’t care still.
21. Any regrets — Sadly, yes. But I’ve learned to accept that what’s done is done and there is no going back.

General:
22. Prized possession: Pictures I’ve taken.
23. Hobby: A hobby is something that you constantly do. These days, parang wala. I do random things.
24. Do you have any pets? — Do brothers and nephews count? Haha!
25. Do you want to change your name? — No. I like it. Short. And sweet. Huh?
26. What did you do on your last birthday (on Jan 24, 2010)? — Drank with friends, old and new.
27. What time did you wake up today? — 11:30ishAM.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night — I was in bed, BBMing 2 friends.
29. Name something you cannot wait for — Life to surprise me, really surprise me.
30. Last time you saw your mother — Today. I’m home!
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? — The past? Nothing. The now? Depends on what future I want for me.
32. What makes you sad? – Misunderstandings. Words not meant to be said.
33. Your happiness — Family and friends.
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now? — Something that is the result of my own doing.
35. Most visited webpage — Twitter. IMDB. Yahoo News.
37. Food that I avoid: Cheese in my sandwich. No garlic!
37. Nicknames — Ping, Piatot, Piattos, Piaya, Yapi, Pi, Pangs…
38. Relationship Status — Steady and happy.
39. Zodiac sign — Aquarius.
40. What do you wear on a nightout? — Jeans.
41. What do you wear to a casual lunch? — Still jeans. Haha!
42. What do you wear on a bad day? — What else?
43. Fashion Icon — None.
44. Hair color — Black. Virgin hair. 
45. Favorite brother – Miles. Alam naman ni Drew siguro yon. Haha!
46. Height — 5’1.
47. Do you have a crush on someone? — Currently, yes.
48: What do you like about yourself? — No matter what I’m going through, I can make myself smile. Baliw lang.
49. Workout: Lately, none.
50. Tattoos — Do scars count? Haha. None. Not even henna.
51. Righty or lefty? — Righty.

Firsts:
52. First surgery — Thankfully, wala pa.
53. First piercing — Ears.
54. First best friend — Tina Cabuhat, from high school.
55. First sport you joined — Tennis.
56. First vacation — Summers in Bacolod and Iloilo when I was still studying.
57. First kiss – Sometime in high school.
58. First pair of trainers — Adidas.

Right now:
59. Eating — Tocino for dinner earlier.
60. Drinking — Lots of water and sugar-free soda.
61. I’m about to — Watch TVD. Again.
62. I’m listening to — The fan and TV. Don’t understand what’s on though. Some lame movie.
63. Waiting for — Can't say. Yet.

Your future:
64. Want kids? — Definitely.
65. Get married? — Eventually.
66. Career? — Just seize every opportunity.

Which is better…
67. Lips or eyes ? — Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses ? — Hugs and kisses!
69. Shorter or taller? — Am only 5”1. Pag shorter pa, ano na yon?
70. Older or younger? — Any, wag lang sobra for either. Tama ba sinabi ko? :D
71. Romantic or spontaneous? — Spontaneous.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms? — A rockin’ sense of humor.
73. Sensitive or loud? — Sensitive.
74. Hook-up or relationship? — Depends. Joke. Relationship of course.
75. Devil or angel? — In between.

Have you ever…
76. Kissed a stranger? — No.
77. Drunk hard liquor? — Am a beer person.
78. Lost glasses/contacts? — Don’t wear either.
79. Sex on first date? — No.
80. Broken someone’s heart? — Yes. Not happy about it.
81. Had your heart broken? — Shit, yes.
82. Been arrested? — No.
83. Turned down someone you love? – Yes. No further comment.
84. Fallen for a friend? — Oo yata.
85. Raison d’ Etre? — Kasali talaga tong tanong na ‘to? Isipin ko muna.

Do you believe in…
86. Yourself? — Yes. Sometimes a little more than I should.
87. Miracles? — Yes. It’s faith.
88. Love at first sight? — Hmmmm…di pa kase nangyayari sa kin eh.
89. Heaven? — Absolutely.
90. Santa Claus? — No. Even as a child.
91. Kiss on the first date? — Not French, yes.
92. Angels? — Yeah.

Answer truthfully…
93. Do you still think about past loves? — Every now and then.
94. Did you start your day with a prayer? – I try to.
95. Did you sing today? — Runaway, in the car.
96. Who was the one that got away? — It happened a long time ago. I’m good with it already.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? — Just a few years back. To right a wrong.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? — One day with clear skies when I got a pleasant surprise. 
99. Are you afraid of falling in love again? — Love is not something to be scared of. You should never stop loving.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? — Definitely.

One kick ass routine!

2012-01-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

Alex is on point! He's really a ballet dancer by the way. :)

Twitch, well, he is Twitch. 'Nuff said. :D

Milaaaaaa!!!

2011-12-19T01:30:00.000-08:00

My brother Miles to Mila, "Ma, libre mo naman akong ice cream.". My mom opens the cupboard and asks, "Anong gusto mo, Lipton or Nestea?".

Antagal ng tawa namin ni Miles, pramis. :D

Mila your dabess!:D

2011-12-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

11:00 AM. In the office...

I am in deep thought, contemplating the impact of a system change to a current project, yada yada yada....

My phone beeps, and here goes my Mom's uncanny timing, yet again.

The message read, "Pa'no nga gumawa ng vinaigrette?". Isang libong beses ko ng tinuro sa kanya 'yon. Ano't itatanong na naman? Paulet ulet lang?

I took a deep breath and smiled. Text messages like this, I am reminded that I have Mila, a steady presence in my life, even at her most maligalig state.

I pick up my phone and start typing my reply. "Ganito Ma, olive oil tapos haluan mo ng......"

A Prayer for Today

2011-12-05T18:09:00.000-08:00

"Father, thank You for cleansing me from all unrighteousness. Thank You for forgiving and restoring me. I choose to forget the hurtful past and move forward into all that You have prepared forme in Your name. Amen"

This year has been a solid experience. Who else to thank for it but Him?

Spread the love. :D

Random thoughts...

2011-06-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

Monday. Clock on my lappy reads 2:36PM. 4 more hours or so 'til work is out.

Today, I will heed to my body's cry for rest.

Hopefully. :)

Steady lang...

2011-01-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

Things change...

Yeah, they do. I moved to another department at work late last year. I have to admit I sometimes miss the neck breaking pace of the old one. And the people there who have become family to me.

I'm thankful though, that I have began to like what I'm doing now, and the new friends that came with it.

It's still true what I was told before. I can bloom where I'm planted. :)

I'm at work now, running for deliverables that I need to get done.

I feel the cool breeze, and I smile.

Steady lang. It's all good.

:)

BBoy Chino

2010-11-30T04:05:00.001-08:00

Chino is the shiznit!!!

Upon this rock...

2010-01-29T00:46:00.001-08:00

“There are many ways to define our fragile existence, many ways to give it meaning. But it is our memories that shape its purpose, and give it context. A private assortment of energies, fears, loves, regrets. But we alone choose the importance of each, building our own unique histories, one memory at a time. Hoping the ones we chose to remember won’t betray or trap us. For it is the cruel irony of life that we are destined to hold the dark with the light, the good with the evil. This is what separates us, but makes us human. Then the end, we must fight to hold on to.”

I recently had one. The dream was foggy, but the message was vivid. There is no more need to convince myself.

It’s that. It is what it is.

That said, earth shall now resume to its normal orbit.

“Alpha One, this is Bravo Two, over and out.”

:-l

2010-01-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

tonight was night of revelations, admissions and realizations. intensity defined.

hey, like i told you, life turns. mine did. in a weird way i may have not imagined possible. i didn't want to, but it widened my perspective.

read the lyrics of the song i last posted. just always remember not to let anyone, bring you down.

i know it hasn't been easy. but it's about making choices. and you just made yours.

yeah, i got yer back on this one.

:D

Not bad...

2010-01-20T07:30:00.000-08:00

Funny how sometimes an end, of any kind, brings relief of the same level with the usual sadness.

Indeed, when something gives, all we need to do is wait for what is given in return.

Tonight, I got a confirmation of an end. Of fear.

And the irony is, I'm feeling a bit sad. With a smile on my face. Which is slowly turning into a grin. That took a while.

For that, I have a few people to thank. And they know who they are.

So thank you. I'll forever be grateful.

:D

2010-01-20T06:33:00.000-08:00

I loved Glee because of this. Made me want to watch Wicked. Appropriate lyrics too. I tried uploading the MP3 but I've been getting errors.

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Fix it...

2010-01-13T20:13:00.000-08:00

Two words I have been hearing since last year...

I'm getting tired.

Must be the age...

Bicol for the books....

2010-01-04T03:56:00.001-08:00

Day 1 at work today after a long break. I would have wanted to extend the holiday break, pero sa aliping gaya ko, asa pa.

With old buddies, I closed the year with a road trip down south. Bicol to be exact. The promise to see Mt. Mayon spitting out lava in close proximity (outside the danger zone naman) was too hard to resist.

As I began to see the mountain looming in the horizon, I was again in awe with mother nature's splendor. I never believed the 'perfect cone' description until I experienced the sight of it. Akala ko, Photoshop lang ang postcards. It was the same feeling I had seeing the breath taking beauty of the pristine lakes of Palawan.

There was something about Mayon, even at it's threatening and most dangerous state. The grandeur was just overwhelming.

More importantly, a part of the trip afforded me time to assess, to think. About the past year and the events I wanted to somehow forget. About what the coming year will bring.

Something also happened that caught me by surprise. I laughed the way I've forgotten how for the past year. The kind of laugh that left me breathless and an aching stomach. Actually, for that alone, making the trip was already worth it.

Bicol was an one for the books. I thank the Lord for the chance, the experience.

:D

welcome back...

2009-12-21T21:41:00.000-08:00

I have always known that whatever happens, happens for a reason. A lot has happened in 2009. A lot.

I am not one to regret. Sadly, I have done things that I wish I didn't. I'll try to put my thoughts of this year together at a later time.

Two words struck me a few nights ago. I was killing time with a very good friend when she suddenly leaned over to hug me and whispered, "Welcome back".

A void inside of me was suddenly filled. I am not alone. All this time, I have never been alone.

Iniisip ko lang, pero hinde. At ipinagpapasalamat ko ng malupet yon. Salamat. Astig.

2009-12-21T08:06:00.000-08:00

Not only did I listen, I believed...

It will make sense.

It's Gonna Make Sense

Life comes in many shapes
You think you know what you got
Until it changes

And life will take you high and low
You gotta learn how to walk
And then which way to go

Every choice you make
When you're lost
Every step you take
Has it's cause

Chorus:
After you clear your eyes
You'll see the light
Somewhere in the darkness
After the rain has gone
You'll feel the sun come
And though it seems your sorrow never ends
Someday it's gonna make sense

Tears you shed are all the same
When you laughed 'till you cried
Or broken down in pain

All the hours you have spent in the past
Worrying about
A thing that didn't last

Everything you saw
Played a part
In everything you are
In your heart

Chorus:
After you clear your eyes
You'll see the light
Somewhere in the darkness
After the rain has gone
You'll feel the sun come
And though it seems your sorrow never ends
Someday it's gonna make sense

Release:
Someday you're gonna find the answers
To all the things you've become and all they've done
At your expense
Someday it's gonna make sense

The 4th sacrament.....

2009-12-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

I couldn't even remember when the last time was, but today I went to confession. Asked forgiveness for all the wrong I did, and forgave the ones who did me wrong. I spent quite a while with the priest. When I stepped out of the box, there was relief, and a calmness that I haven't felt for some time.

Just the night before, I chatted with a good friend, one who has long before sensed the cloud. No questions, just talks that all will pass. With that came a promise that when they do, things will fall into place.

I said I wanted to end this year right.

That started today.

:)

Cheers!

2009-11-16T21:54:00.000-08:00

cheers!

...to memories...of walks along Aurora and Tuazon, Fiesta Carnival and Shakey's New Frontier.
...to spontaneity...and for the promise to see the butandings before the big day.
...to emoticons...kahit wala sa ayos. :-D
...to hotdogs, chili corned and kaning lamig...
...to Mang Inasal chicken oil amidst stories of New Year happenings...
...to stories of King Fassad...
...to tong-its sessions...
...to stories of life and death...magpamorbidan tayo!
...to endless cups of coffee... kahit di ako nagkakape!
...to speakers conking out during car rides...
...to rationales and reasons...me kwenta man o wala.

the simple joys...andami...the list is endless...i could go on...

life is good...

:D

Rules of Life

2009-10-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

Rule Four reads;

The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Life giving me the same lessons? Me point.

Life's lessons...

2009-10-13T03:42:00.000-07:00

To say that the past six months have been one hell of a f*cked up rollercoaster ride is an understatement.

I'm the type who hates complications, who likes to keep things simple. No gray areas, always keeping reality in check.

It got me ask, "What the hell happened to me?" I can feel my fingers beginning to poise to point at someone, but then I feel it turn...towards me.

The lessons that life has been giving me but I never seem to learn? Being in sticky situations because I'm not careful. Treetops sway the most when the wind is strong. That bucket of worry should sometimes be put down where I can't see it and let it affect me. Life becomes more meaningful not by adding activities but by prioritizing well. True treasures help put things into perspective. When it appears that I've got it all together, I've got to look again. Because sometimes, I don't. I think I am darn sure about one thing, it turns out another way. People mean well, but sometimes, their methods are misplaced. The world conspires against me, it happens to everyone.

Six months ago, where I am now is not where I expected to be. Going through just about everything I've gone through was not in my "to do and to experience" list. But like my life's past thoughts, memories, experiences and events, I know this will again help shape myself, and who I am.

I am still not ok. Weird as I am though, I am ok with not being totally ok. Because being ok means I've accepted it, towards the direction of letting it fly and pass me by. Something I honestly don't want to do.

There are a few things that I want to be thankful for...

...the gift of light, in times of darkness.
...the gift of time, which does not push me to do things I will regret.
...the gift of hurt, which reminds me I am strong enough to put myself through it.

All things considered, I'm still good with who I am. Even with change, I know I'll turn out tolerable enough for me. And I don't need people to accept, to understand.

I'm still down on the ground. This time though, my head is turned sideways, my hands behind my head, not waiting anymore for someone, or something to pull me back on my feet. I'll just stay here while the benign forces of the universe hover above, and around me.

And when i do get up, I'll give myself a shake and then take a good look around. This time with hope, that I'll be a little more ready for the curved balls I know life will again throw at me.

Nakakalungkot...

2009-09-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

Got this forwarded text last night. Can't resist blogging it in as I think it appropriate for what's going on...

"Everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they are right. You believe in lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes, good things fall apart to make way for the best ones..."

I have thought life's joys have turned their back on me. I have wept for broken dreams, disappointments, and unmet expectations. Of late, with the heaviest of hearts, I fought for something of real value. Up to the last stand, I painfully held my ground armed with thoughts of the last few years, thinking it's all worth going through the hurt. I have gripped memories that will last a lifetime. Unbearably though, at times, those were thought of with closed eyes.

Is it only me who thought of it that way? It's an agony to think that I was only worth that much. Even after everything. And I wouldn't have known had this not happened.

My head is bent down, and my heart inconsolable.

Will things go back to the way they were? It all depends.

Andito lang naman ako.

I wish today it will rain all day.....

2009-09-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Got this forwarded text just now. Can't help but blog it in as I think it appropriate for what's going on...

"Everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they are right. You believe in lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes, good things fall apart to make way for the best ones..."

I have thought life's joys have turned their back on me. I have wept for broken dreams, disappointments, and unmet expectations. Of late, with the heaviest of hearts, I fought for something of real value. Even to the last stand, I held my ground armed with thoughts of the last few years. Years that were put aside. Memories that will last a lifetime.

Sadly, only I thought of it that way. When the smoke somewhat cleared, my head was bent down.

Life sucks life that.

What I've Done

2009-09-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done
Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

2009-09-17T03:25:00.000-07:00

My life has just changed.

The moment came when I finally said, ''It's done! I know I'm much more than what I'm demonstrating emotionally and mentally."

If this alters my life forever, I have yet to find out.

It just dawned on me that I should never again settle for less than I can be.

Losing some is okay, because there will always be something to gain.

As the song goes, "goodbye, it's not the end (gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear)"

Again, for now. Just for now.

About last weekend…Part 2

2009-09-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

And so after last, last week’s “somewhat enlightening” long weekend, we were afforded another long one this week. My best friend went off to play softball somewhere in the south and God knows why I couldn’t join. Under normal circumstances, I would have gone even if I don’t like the sport. Given the current situation, I thought it best to forego this one.

I just went to visit Meycauayan where I spent my formative years. I meant to see my childhood best friend, whose house was my "tambayan" during that time. His parents were like my second. Since my family moved, I haven’t seen them for ages. I parked in front of their gate and screamed in delight when I saw Tita Cel, his mom. I got the surprise of my life when she suddenly cried when she saw me. Turned out her husband, my Tito Nap, passed away almost two years ago. I didn’t know, and naturally, my parents didn’t know. I hugged her tight swept away with emotion that I wasn’t able to speak for a while.

The afternoon was spent remembering stories from more than twenty years ago, when all that mattered was whether Gee and I had enough rubber bands and marbles and that we got home in time for Mask Rider Black. I brought Tita Cel home that afternoon to see my folks so they could do their own catching up.

Later that night, I got the chance to chat with old friends. Good ones whom I’ve lost contact the past few years. Another trip down memory lane.

The following day, I met up with my mountaineering friends for another reunion. The night trek brought back memories of two-day hikes we took several years back when we were still mountaineering newbies. Some things have not changed. We still had the same laughs.

The mountain, as it always does for me, offered a respite from life’s perplexity of late.

Again, the sign beckoned, and scoffed at me. It will, in all probability, hang around me, with me for a while. I can’t really say it’s all good, but hey, I’m used to it already by this time.

The weekend ended, and I found myself thanking the Lord for the chance to rekindle, to reconnect.

:-D

About last weekend...

2009-09-01T07:45:00.001-07:00

Had an interesting, fun and somewhat enlightening long weekend...

Drove from Manila to La Union to Vigan and back with friends, old and new. The opportunity to test myself for what would be my longest drive yet was too hard to resist. This, to prepare myself for the drive of my life that I've been planning to take.

Apart from this, I was looking for signs for two things that I needed to straighten out.

I got the sign for one, and it clearly told me what needs to be done.

The other was not given. But I'm willing to play the waiting game for this one.

For how long, I wouldn't really know...

:-D

About last night...

2009-08-28T03:33:00.000-07:00

Last night was a surprise. I did something I haven't done for a while. And it felt good.

I thank the Lord, for little things that make me smile.

With it came sleep that was so sound, and a dream that was so good.

Soon...I will know.

:-D

Vertigo Attack = Liberation

2009-08-27T01:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, a half vertigo attack happened. This was just the 3rd (half-attack) in a few years. I say I have always preferred full blown attacks because these render me useless and motionless, and requires me to stay in bed without so much as a whimper. Half attacks are different. I feel more dizzy when I lie down, colder inspite of perspiration trickling down my back, and so nauseated it makes we want to upchuck my guts out.

In the midst of all these, a realization happened.

It entered my concsiousness that again, I have been left to fend for myself. An idea which is not entirely alien to me. Surprisingly, I was ok with it. Maybe because, it's been like that for quite sometime now. I felt a need for me to find an anchor to hold on to. I was comforted by the thought that I still have myself if I can't find any.

I got frustrated with the fact that life has been giving me the same lessons. I just never learn.

I've been where I am for quite some time now. Dreading to take a step forward, scared to move a step back.

Alongside that, I realized decisions are made only when the need presents itself. Equally, one is not compelled to make one. When a yes or no appears before you, you can always pause, close your eyes and linger for a while.

And when the choosing happens, one can only hope for the best.

I am where I am, I will not pick fights, but I'll fight my battles here.

Pampalipas Oras

2009-07-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE

> Name: Pia
> Birth date: Jan 24th
> Birth place: Bacolod
> Eye Color: Black
> Hair Color: Black
> Righty or Lefty: Righty
> Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

> Your heritage: Filipino. Next life... Scot
> Shoes you wore today: Kembot na shoes
> 3 things i do everyday: Work. Net. Sleep .
> Your fears: losing people (and things) of value to me
> Your perfect pizza: anything meaty
> Fave Actor: Samuel Jackson
> Fave Actress: Monica Belucci, Gong Li, Mila Jovovich, Uma Thurman
> Fave Movie: Hands down, LOTR trilogy
> Fave Drama/TV Show: Dawson's Creek at natapos ko ang Prison Break
> Fave Food: Fried, breaded
> Hidden Talents: kaya nga hidden, di pwede i-share!

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

> Your most overused phrase on YM: wahahahaha!
> Your thoughts first waking up: Nasan ako? Haha!
> Your bedtime: mostly past midnight
> Your most missed memory: tree tops and tree houses (nasagot ko na to somewhere)
> Your Dream Things: log cabin in the woods of Colorado

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK

> Pepsi or Coke: either basta sugar-free
> McDonald's or Burger King: Bk
> Adidas or Nike: Nike
> Lipton Tea or Nestea: Nestea
> Chocolate or vanilla: Parehong ayaw
> Cappuccino or coffee: Not mahilig sa coffee

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

> Smoke: Yes
> Drink: Hell, yes!!!
> Take showers: Tabo is more like it
> Think you've been in love: yep
> Like(d) high school: oh, yeah!
> Want to get married: someday
> Get motion sickness: sa anchors away lang
> Think you're a health freak: pag sinabi kong oo, kikidlat
> Get along with your parents: yep
> Like thunderstorms: ayos lang
> Like Rain: not really, pero I like it better than summer weather
> Play an instrument: no, I’d love to learn. Wait, does do-re-mi in the piano count?

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH

> Drank alcohol: Yes
> Gone on a gimik: Yes
> Gone to the mall: Yes
> been on stage: Yes
> Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
> Eaten sushi: No
> Gone skating: Roller skates and roller blades, yes. Ice, no.
> Had a tan: Nangaasar tong tanong na to. I’m as brown as a brown cow
> Dyed your hair: never tried
> Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: I don’t know your definition of ‘been trashed’ so I’ll hold off my answer. Extremely intoxicated, more than I can count. 

LAYER SEVEN: GETTING OLDER

> Age you hope to be married: no timelines where marriage is concerned for me
> Children: I’d be ok with 2
> Describe your dream wedding: People would remember it and say, astig!
> How do you want to die: The process? Fast!
> What do you want to be when you grow up: Grow up. Haha!
> What place would you most like to visit: Austria is one of them

LAYER EIGHT: IN A GUY

>Best eye color?: brown
> Best hair color?: black
> Height: Tall
> Best first date location: A sporting event
> Articles of clothing: Shirt. Jeans. Sneakers
> Talents: Getting my drift would be a talent
> Instruments: Guitar and Drums

Hang in the balance...

2009-06-24T20:15:00.000-07:00

Been doing some sitting around thinking about the state of things sorrounding me, a bit of processing and a tad of trying to take in as much as I could. I find myself getting a faint surprise - I don't have an idea of what's going on anymore.

You ask me why? Well, I don't have an idea of what's going on anymore.

Makes no logical sense, but it makes perfect sense.

The reality of eternity is one thing - fate.

I'll leave it at that, for now.

A state of mind

2009-05-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

There’d been a few times in this rollercoaster I call my life that I have taken the jump with closed eyes and took whatever came out of it in stride. On the flipside, there were also episodes with never ending tossing and turning going over each possible (and impossible) scenario before engaging what was there. Well, there wouldn’t be much thinking if the obvious is already staring at me in the face, right?

Now the question, when to do what?

Aha, the struggle starts because worries begin. The many ‘buts’ surface.

One of life’s most intricate grapples is the struggle of letting go. Letting go entails change. And change is almost always frightening. As the cliché goes, nothing is permanent in this world but that. When we are unsure of what it will bring, where the word uncertainty hangs boldly, there is one instantaneous reaction. We want to fight it. Sometime in the not-so-distant past, a realization kicked in – I was doing that and I, gotta stop. I read somewhere, and it may seem absurd to some, that surrender is not the same as giving up. In the same manner that letting go is not the same as going on another direction. It is, at times, a choice of leaving fate to decide on the outcome of things.

This is now where the struggle ends. It’s never easy, that pretty much I know and have experienced first hand. I then now begin to wonder what’s next. That night when the realization sank in, came the knowledge that this is one of the few times that I found myself looking forward to what is ahead. Scared still, but ready nonetheless.

Yes, life is never fair. Broken promises and unmet expectations, bring a lot of hurt. Words and more words. And broken hearts to see who will help fix it.

Oh well, yesterday is done and yesterday is gone. No matter what kind of shit happened and how f*cked up things got.

That said, I believe life is still beautiful because there will be new days and the thought that I will wake up to new ones…

Of course, there is nothing wrong with looking back. I do that, and find myself grateful because it gives me a lot of reasons to smile.

I was listening to a song in the car on my way home when it dawned on me - indeed,
this complicated business we call life can be summed up in three words, IT GOES ON.

I’ve been bruised, battered, broken and maybe scarred - permanently, only time will tell. But I’m still alive, with a lop-sided grin at times. Really, just about everything happens for a reason.

Here’s to living…and hoping for the best.

Of lighthouses...

2009-05-18T03:18:00.000-07:00

I once read, "People come into our lives and quickly go. Some stick around and make a difference. And then, everything changes."

This one's yours...the beacons will guide you.

Whenever, wherever...

Fix You
Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...
Tears stream, down on your face I
promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Carry on....

2009-05-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

I'm clapping my hands in the sidelines cheering.

As promised.

Mainam ka.

Simpleng totoo...

2009-05-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

"Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

Anlupet ni Bob. No frills, no sugar-coating.

Simple, derecho, pero totoo at applicable sa maraming aspeto ng buhay.

Swak!

Uncle Bob's Lucky 7 Club

2009-05-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras." - Bob Ong

Never could have put it any better.

A man is born with his fists clenched, but when he dies...his hand is open.

No further explanation.

50 Random Facts....

2009-04-22T05:05:00.001-07:00

1. I took ballet lessons in Grade 1. I lasted 2 sessions, 30 minutes each.
2. I repeated Grade 1 because I was too young to proceed to Grade II. I wallowed for a full year.
3. I was never first honor in school. Always 2nd...and Best in Language.
4. My parents boughts similar outfits for me and my older sibling until I was about Grade 2. He is an OLDER BROTHER, and 5 years my senior. Weird.
5. I loved being introuduced as the youngest in the family in gatherings, until my younger brother Miles was born when I was 9.
6. For a while when he was a baby, I wanted to wring his neck so I'd still be 'bunso'.
7. When I finally accepted that I was no longer 'bunso', I prayed really hard that God turn Miles into a sister. I'd peep into his crib every morning ending up disappointed. I stopped on the day of his 1st birthday.
8. I've fond memories of climbing caimito and guava trees in our backyard in Bacolod.
9. The guava tree was uprooted, while I was on top with a pocketfull of harvest.
10. I had a 'teks' collection. My favorite was Rambuto starring Palito.
11. I loved playing in the streets. I was the "luksong-baka champion" of the neighborhood.
12. I had a basketful of rubberbands and a huge can of marbles of different sizes which I held on to until I was about 11.
13. I tried collecting scented stationery in Grade 3. I ended up having only 2 kinds (4-5 sheets each kind) after 3 months. They made great paper airplanes.
14. I've lived in Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao, all before high school.
15. I can speak 3 dialects, and understand 5.
16. The waters tried to take my life thrice already. I fell in a 10-foot-deep fish pond when I was 4, almost drowned in the ocean and a swimming pool when I was 7 and 9 respectively. And oh, I am an Aquarian.
17. I competed in tennis in high school. I reached provincials (Region 3-wide) and won bronze.
18. After getting an injury from tennis, I turned to chess and was the ladies division chess champion in high school. I also last played chess in high school.
19. I learned how to ride a bike at 6. My brother’s BMX, with Mongoose pads.
20. Had my first taste of alcohol at 14.
21. Started smoking at 23.
22. I bite my fingernails. Until I make them bleed.
23. I like doing nails. Only of people dear to me. I often think of this as my fallback career.
24. I’m addicted to anything liquid that is drinkable. And they say 8 glasses of water daily is good for the body? I can do 8 liters.
25. I prefer doing the laundry than ironing.
26. I’d rather cook than do the dishes.
27. I chased a snatcher along EDSA once. Got my bracelet back.
28. I didn’t like extra-curricular activities too much in school. CAT. Student council. School paper. Sports. Quiz Bees. Public speaking contests. Countless clubs and organizations. My frustration – not making it to the Glee Club.
29. I’m claustrophobic.
30. Almost got kicked out of school several times for arguing with my teachers – elementary, high school and college. (Bim, I think we’re meant to be bestfriends)
31. I’m not adventurous with food. Exotic for me is dinuguan, sisig, papaitan and bopis.
32. When I’m hungry, you will not like me. I can go on without sleep but certainly not without food.
33. I’m not ashamed to admit I got addicted to Dawson’s Creek once in my life. At that time, I’d give up anything to live in Wilmington, North Carolina where the show was shot.
34. I’m a sucker for geography and the like. My favorite is capital of countries, with all of Asia as my specialty. Male is for Maldives, Islamabad for Pakistan, Kathmandu for Nepal – try me. Haha!
35. I’m afraid of the dark. But wait, I also can’t sleep with the lights on.
36. I don’t like horror movies. As a kid, I believed in the boogeyman more than I believed in Santa Claus.
37. I like biting flesh. Ask my friends.
38. I traveled alone from Manila to Iloilo by boat (Super Ferry) when I was 11 to visit my Lola. I played by the navigation room and got to know the captain. He let me stay there the whole duration of the trip!
39. My mind is full of useless, junk trivia. Inuman tayo, sampolan ko kayo.
40. I’ve been told lots of time that I have an astonishing memory for names, both of people and of places. Don’t ask me about dates though. (“Ma! Kelan nga ulet birthday ni Papa?”)
41. I feel disoriented when I don’t have a watch on.
42. I hate volleyball. I can learn all other sports but not volleyball. Imagining myself playing it makes me cringe!
43. I can’t do touch-typing.
44. But I know stenography.
45. I tried learning to play the guitar countless times from my brothers and friends. They spent hours patiently teaching poor me. At this point, I’m still limited to the C and the G. And I can’t shift chords without looking. Haha! Tanga?
46. I have musician brothers – the oldest plays the piano, keyboards, guitars (rhythm, lead and bass), drums and the youngest rocks the acoustic guitar. Me? I’m just the family celebrity. Never flamboyant, but a supahstar! Nyah! Nabaliw?
47. I don’t like chocolates, sweets in general. Salty than sweet for me.
48. I like street food. I love isaw! Kakain ako, basta kilala ko nagtitinda.
49. When I was 4, I accidentally dropped a big can of milk and it spilled to the floor. I didn’t know how to clean it up so I let 9 puppies into the kitchen to lick the milk. To this day, my mom has no idea.
50. I had an Alanis Morissette phase. I didn’t want to be her. I WAS her.
Extra: I’m your classic ‘mambu’, as in mambubulok. I don’t like throwing away stuff, even if I can’t think of what to use it for in the future. Ballpen caps, ink less ballpens, shoe boxes, empty bottles, etc, etc.

Weird...

2009-04-21T03:17:00.000-07:00

Here's what I'm talkin' about in the previous entry. Written over two years ago, kinda sums up what I'm feeling at the moment...

Monday, March 12, 2007

BULLCRAP!
Never been this emotionally drained. To say the least, I AM TIRED.

I’m bailing out. I’m throwing in the towel.I simply do not care anymore.

And I don’t want to freaking explain myself.

See y’all in the next lifetime.

April, 21, 2009

-----The weirder part, I don't even remember what I wrote this for..

The circle of life...ASTIG!!!

Guess who's back?

2009-04-21T00:50:00.000-07:00

Been like a li'l less than two years since I last wrote anything here. Will ty to drop in to throw out a word or two from hereon...

Astig! I scanned through my previous posts and found out the weirdest thing...what I've been feeling the past few weeks can be summed up by a post I made a few years ago....

Weeding Out The Tears - yeah, that's the book

2007-06-02T01:01:00.000-07:00

What does this picture tell you? Absolutely nothing! I just wanted to post it. And that means what to you? Yeah, my point exactly!

I'M YOURS....

2007-05-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

That very few people understand what inane idiosyncrasies I possess is a fact I have long known and acknowledged. These 'very few' (them privileged) I can count with the fingers of my left hand.

One of these handful minority is the 'A to my Z' and my homie, Bim. The one (and only) person could play catch (and throw) 'White America' lyrics with me.

Two weeks ago, I embarked on a journey towards the road less-travelled. This meant moving from behind her (literally) to a corner some place away. This also spelled moving from the world I so comfortably moved around in for the last few years to a world unknown and where I am unacquainted.

She was right, it did change things. The first few days went by with a flurry of activities that left me in a state of breath choking distress. I could go on and ramble about this but another blog entry it deserves.

Let's just say my life is a jumble and a muddle at the moment. I woke up and found myself in a labyrinth not knowing the way out, if there even is. Worse, I do not know if I want to get out.

Amidst all the crap, I am holding on two words to keep my sanity in check. LEAN BACK.

Knowing that if I do just that, I know whose back I'll be leaning on. And that I will find enough strength for it to break, if not prevent my fall.

I will always be Pia.

To you Bim, I will always be your Pia. No holding back, analogies included.

3rd Street or Loufel, it doesn't matter. We know our way towards each other.

Homies, fer lyf!

THE UNSTOPPABLE UGO 7EVEN

2007-05-03T05:08:00.000-07:00

Mt. Ugo
written by Verna V. Villegas

I could honestly say that this was well-worth missing a climb, this Mt. Ugo – make-up climb.

For one, you’d realize who’d give their support to you just ‘cause you want it. All the batch trainees had each completed two climbs, save for me. That’s all that’s needed for one to qualify for a diagnostic climb. These trainees have lives other than GAC training, too. Add to that, the fact that they too work in Globe (One of the best companies if only because it draws out every ounce of will-power, emotional tensile strength, skill and intelligence quotient in you 24/7 for you to last within its grasp) says enough. But the people who were in this climb, chose to be there.

Fine. Well, maybe not all of them were there because of me. But most of them were, and certainly all of them supported the idea that this particular climb was for me. And, guys, I love you for it!!!

For a mountain that other mountaineers trekked for Induction Climbs, and others traversed for 3 days and two nights… we did it for a make-up climb in two days and one night, and we enjoyed every head-splitting heat-soaking and teeth-knocking cruel-cold moment!

We were—the Magic 7even.

We loved the ankle-breaking assault with our backs soaked with sweat at seven in the evening when the chill reached our bones and our epidermis were little short of numb—if not already. We loved it for the emergency campsite in the uneven slopes of only a few meters away from the summit. We loved it for the mess we made in the so-called campsite (which we left spic and span when we made our summit assault, by the way). We loved it as we scampered through the descent trail, battling the out-of-balance that the loose rocks and pebbles may have caused us, trying to get ahead of Manong’s “two hours away” that never seemed to shorten. And best of all, we loved it for the camaraderie that the absence of conceit and smugness had brought about the magic seven.

Never mind the fact that Pia was sick and on medication when we went up. Never mind that Rex was so cold he had been coughing the whole night in the camp. Never mind that Botchok had a splitting headache on our descent and was low on sugar already. Never mind that I was so in the worst of moods with not a drop of water in my bladder and the water source was consistently “two hours away” every fifteen minutes that we asked. We made it through!

So it was just a make-up climb and we’re not officially members just yet. But, I have a pretty strong feeling that that climb is going to be one of the best benchmarks of all our climbs to come. In all aspects of a climb: the company, the conversation, the camaraderie, the support. The equipment (yeah, I love my North Face, so sew me!), the photos, the food!!! The team-lead, the sweep, and Botchok. The fibs, the gibes, the sotto voce… the friends.

So amidst the sweat that trickled down our backs, and the smell that kept us apart from the regular humanoids that trek the planet with their Chanel’s and Dolce & Gabana’s, and the streaks of dirt in our faces, and the scratches and bruises all over… Q-Q! Batch 10 is making its identity.

SIOPAO - SPECIAL, BOLA-BOLA...

2007-04-19T01:52:00.000-07:00

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Halt! Time to drive myself to the ground, yet again. A different place, a different life, a different persperctive. Whatever comes out of this, I'll find out soon enough.

Can I just say thank you dear friend, I never got to tell you but you just lifted up my spirits and made me believe that things will somehow fall into place.

Bite sized solutions for humongous problems. I can only smile.

Here's to siopao sessions. Am so looking forward to more.

:-)

BULLCRAP!

2007-03-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

Never been this emotionally drained. To say the least, I AM TIRED. I’m bailing out. I’m throwing in the towel.

I simply do not care anymore. And I don’t want to freaking explain myself.

See y’all in the next lifetime.

OF GOODBYES AND NEW BEGINNINGS…

2007-02-23T02:47:00.000-08:00

My subconscious mind tells me people are more susceptible to emotional than physical pain. I mean, we instinctively put up a hand to ward off a swing coming our way. It's easy, it’s reflex, it's human nature.

This leads me to the question. How then, do you thwart off emotional pain? Or rejection? Or having to deal with the realization that the one thing you badly want is the one thing you cannot have? Think of all the theories and principles, you cannot. It is one of life’s inevitable circumstances. Hello Ms. Margaret, let me throw off one of life’s bitter realizations. Each one of us is bound to experience getting hurt.

All things considered, how you deal with the aftermath of a major blow is more important. You pass through the process of being a broken person, your mind swimming in thoughts of why’s and what if’s, your heart feeling like it’s squeezed so hard you can’t breathe and seeing the dark cloud that always seems to follow wherever you go, hovering above your head.

You wallow in your sorrow, until you realize…it’s time to gather the pieces and put them back together.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes, you just have to pick out the ones that are sugarfree.

DECISIONS...DECISIONS...

2007-02-19T17:11:00.000-08:00

Reality check. Is my life ready for a major shakedown?

My mind is screaming no, but my heart says otherwise.

Ain't life a bitch? Mine's never gonna be the same again.

GOODAH!!!

2007-02-19T16:50:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, 8:27AM.

Saya! No bosses today! Sales con in World Trade.

Rex brought Richie to Renaissance last night (this, after many rounds of “lock and load” wahahaha!). Since we got nothing better to do, Bim and I tagged along. Left the office around 8PM, went to Pasig first to get stuff and we were off to Greenbelt.

After dropping Richie off the hotel front door, I decided I wanted to have goto. Steaming hot goto.

We cruised along Makati Ave. finding a goto place. Wala. We reached Mandaluyong shortly. Wala pa rin. A few more minutes and we found ourselves back in Pasig.

Sa wakas!

Over goto, pares and arrozcaldo, Kuya shared some excerpts from his so-called adolescent life. Stories of highway escapades and of rooms with black walls.

Patay ka Kuya, me pangblackmail na kami sa ‘yo!

Bwahahaha!

MORE Q AND As

2007-02-18T22:32:00.001-08:00

1. if there are 3 wells (love, beauty & creativity) &you could only drink from 1, which would it be?:: creativity
2. with problems, whom do you run to?:: most of the time friends, pero ultimately, nanay ko
3. which finger is your favorite?:: index
4. what's the most disgusting thing you've evereaten?:: food na nahulog sa floor (pero wala pang 5 minutes) kadire?
5. would you tell a guy/girl you like him/her?:: nope.
6. if no, why?:: I’m the shy type. Magsinungaling?
7. if you were making a movie about yourself, whowould play the lead?:: Jessica. Biel or Alba, kahit sino sa kanila. Bwahahaha!
8. do you like your handwriting?:: Which one? I have a thousand handwriting variations depende sa mood.
9. who are you jealous of?:: no one. Mataas ang self-esteem ko.
10. what kind of person do you want to marry?:: somebody old and filthy rich. Bwahahaha!
11. where were you last kissed?:: Trajikistan. Nyah!
12. what do you put on your sandwiches?:: anything but cheese
13.what is the unit of your cellphone?:: XDA Mini na service unit
14. If you were another person, would you befriends with you?:: no. mabubuwisit ako sa akin.
15. are you a daredevil?:: I’m daring. Period. End. Stop.
16. where were you last night?:: out
17. do you drink beer?:: sometimes. Sobrang bihira. Nyah!
18. who do you think is the most adorableanimated character?:: Scar of Lion King
19. do looks matter for you?:: Money matters. Haha! Panget ng ugali?
20. what colors suits your personality?:: Earth Brown
21. do you pray?:: yes
22. are you trendy?:: in thought yes.
23. what do you do to prevent anger?:: well, i don't really prevent it. i always make it a point to let it out.
24. who is your idol?:: Tie between alanis morissette and eminem. All time, everytime.
25. what does d 4th txt msg says in ur mobile?:: Ver asking where’s the nearest place to get cedula from
26. names in your missed call list?:: just cleared my call register so nada
27. what was your favorite toy as a kid:: marbles, I had many, of different colors and sizes
28. what will you do after this?:: make a UAC for tonight’s cut-over. Puyatan nights in the office, again.
29. what are you waiting for?:: “the call” that will change my life
30. when was the last time you were happy:: sobrang kelan lang but I’d rather not share why. Mahirap.

OF DESTINIES AND FAITH

2007-02-18T18:23:00.000-08:00

Monday, the clock on my PC says 9:55 AM.

My body could barely function due to lack of sleep and mental exhaustion from last night’s shindig.

Up until about 4AM or so, my shoulder blades ached like hell (it still does this very moment) that it added to reasons why dear sleep seemed to evade me initially.

Was out with an old AND new friend last night. Let’s just say, I’m not one to discuss my own viewpoints, philosophies, and feelings to friends, much more to new ones. This because most of the time, I find myself at the receiving point of such and my hate for being the one put on the hotseat.

Over beer and cigarette smoke, (read: lots of cigarette smoke), I found myself doing just that and was surprised at the viewpoints being exchanged.

I went to bed with emotions still high. My mind was still topsy turvy as I felt my back touch the bed.

All things considered, I laid down and smiled before closing my eyes.

Thanks Aubrey, no one has challenged me like that in a long time.

THE SAGA OF TIKOY

2007-02-18T17:02:00.000-08:00

Just dropped in to say that - yes, got my Mom that tikoy last Saturday.

Her comment?

"Bakit brown? At bakit di red yung box? Anong klaseng tikoy yan?"

Mothers.

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI

2007-02-17T00:37:00.000-08:00

Saturday.

In the office, reading emails, answering to some, all by my lonesome. The peace was disturbed by a beep from my phone. Picked it up and read the weird text message from my mom.

"On your way home, please get me a box of tikoy."

I resisted the urge to send a reply. I wanted to ask her where was I when she decided she suddenly wanted tikoy. I mean, I never knew her to like tikoy!

Contemplating this, it hit me, why am I making a big fuss out of tikoy?

Hah! Am out of here. Gotta get that box of tikoy.

QUESTIONS FROM THERESE'S BLOG

2007-02-15T20:33:00.000-08:00

WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White Island's Souvenirs shirt from Ces
WOULD YOU KISS ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S LIST? Wait, yeah, pwede
DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE ON YOUR FRIENDS list? You can say that
HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE? All of 'em!
HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT TO HAVE? Four. Should even things out
DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?I would like to think I'm a good daughter. Does that answer the question?
WHAT NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE BESIDES THE ONE YOU HAVE? Patricia
WOULD YOU EVER MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX? Haven't given it a thought...yet. Bwahahaha!
WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST B-DAY? Stayed home alone, until I was ambushed by friends
WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE? Windows default
WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY? 7:30am
WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO? Hung out in a friend's house, laughing my guts out over beer and tong-its
DO YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR HAIR PULLED? No. Don't know anyone who would want their hair pulled either.
NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT TO DO? Tour the Philippines Islands on my own
LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM? Last weekend
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF? Short term, i wish i could make myself quit smoking. Honestly.
IF YOU HAD 300,000 DOLLARS... WHAT 5 THINGS WOULD YOU DO WITH IT??
1. Seek out Eminem 2. Give to charity 3. Give half to my parents 4. Builed a log cabin in Baguio 5. Visit Austria
HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO TOM? Babauta? Sinong Tom? Anong Tom?
WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING? Soft yellow. Me ganon bang kulay o pauso ko lang?
LAST THING YOU ATE? Tapsilog, plain rice topped with tomato sardines sauce
WHATS YOUR FAVORITE MONTH? March. Maraming outing. Ekskarsyon.
YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MONTH? January. Melancholic ako pag birthday ko
WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM ANYONE? Pambahay na shirt ni Ces
WHO IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RIGHT NOW? Sad to say, someone I consider a dear friend
MOST VISITED WEBPAGE?imdb.com
LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGED? Miles
FAVORITE KIND OF DRINK(S)? WATER! WATER! WATER! and coke light
HAVE YOU BEEN TO EUROPE? No, i'd love to go
IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? offer prayers
HAVE YOU KISSED SOMEONE IN THE PAST WEEK? cheek pecks, a lot. french, no.
IF YOU COULD TELL YOUR LAST EX SOMETHING WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? Regrets? Eh sino bang tanga? Ngayon, magtiis ka! (tangina, bitter? hahaha!)
HOW MANY PIERCINGS DO YOU HAVE? 2, 1 on each ear
TATTOOS? nada
IF YOU COULD GET PIERCED ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD YOU GET IT DONE? I want a stud. Sa nose
WHAT ARE YOU MOST SCARED OF? Tumanda ng wala lang.
DO YOU LIKE BEING ON STAGE WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WATCHING YOU? Hmmm, not naman super like, pero since mataas ang self-esteem ko, i couldn't care less if i'm on stage and there are 2 or 2 million people watching
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT TO THE MALL? yesterday, for lunch
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NINE LASTS:
9. last place you were: my workstation
8. last cigarette: marlboro lights ni Rex
7. last beverage: iced milo
6. last movie seen: sa theater, eragon
5. last call: manny de jesus, missed it
4. last CD played: rihanna
3. last bubble bath: tagal na, i don't 'like it' like it din
2. last time you cried: last month, thanks duck, for being there. naks!
1. last alcoholic drink: friggin' san mig light
EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS:
8. have you ever dated someone twice: i think
7. have you ever been cheated on: hmm...pag sinabi bang hindi pa, mayabang?
6. have you ever cheated on someone: oy hindi naman
5. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: yes
4. have you ever fallen in love: yes
3. have you ever lost someone: yes
2. have you ever been depressed: yes
1. have you ever been drunk and thrown up: drunk, oo. thrown up: oo din, pero never in public
SEVEN PLACES YOU'VE RECENTLY BEEN TO:
7. Robinson's
6. GTP Tower 1
5. Brkout Rm 0
4. Jane's place
3. Lola's place
2. Somewhere near the office
1. Megamall
SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY:
6. witnessed a scene na pang teleserye, me habulan blues pa
5. met peepz for a new project
4. yosi with friends
3. chatted with a new friend
2. talked to my boss regarding the future
1. discovered something new and weird about myself
FIVE PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:
in fairness, more than five. no naming of names na, baka me magtampo pa. bata?
FOUR PLACES YOU WANNA GO TO:
4. austria
3. north carolina
2. south africa
1. brazil or chile
THREE FAVORITE COLORS
3. brown
2. gray
1. green
TWO THINGS I WANNA DO BEFORE I DIE
1. see places
2. have kids
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Top 2 lines you always get from the opposite sex:-"ang liit ng braso mo" -"yosi tayo"
Top 2 things the opposite sex does that piss you off:- pass themselves off as KIA and magfeeling close
Top 2 physical assets a girl must have:- nice smile- nice toes
Top 2 guy names you find gwapo (handsome):- Franco, Devon
Top 2 most recent disturbing comments you got from someone:- "You think it's right to talk about this behind her back?" - "Wala na kong magagawa, final na eh"
Top 2 sweetest childhood memories:- treetops and treehouses
Top 2 feel-good-nostalgic songs:- buses and trains by bachelor girl, girl from the gutter by kina
Top 2 most played songs on your playlist (right now):-true colors and never been to me (nyah!)
Top 2 weird things you do:- bite my fingernails until my fingers bleed - i can't think of another
Top 2 everyday beauty essentials:-soap-shampoo
Top 2 signs that you're really mad already:-i go insane-i smoke like crazy
Top 2 names you'd give your future daughter:- patricia - frances
Future Son:- david
Top 2 names you wish you had:- patricia nga or patrice
Top 2 things you ought to do before you die:- write the story of my life, see the flowers of venice
Lastly, top 2 things you want to do right now:- straighten things out with someone, solidify the future
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1.Last person who wrote you a testimonial?:jenny
2.Last movie u watched: eragon, poor film
3.What do people first notice when they see you? i have no idea
4.Do you like peanut-butter? no. not fond of sweets
5.Most memorable place? somewhere in bulacan, where the bamboos are aplenty. wahahaha!
6.Do you read comics? yes, tagalog ones. when i was a kid, my mom would leave me in a comics rental store, give me money and head off to do her market stuff.
7.What's your favourite restaurant? i like home cooked meals more
8.Do you have enemies? i loathe some people
9.You like to go out grocery shopping?: yes, if i have more than enough budget
10.Can you dance? -Do I eat? Go figure.
11.Do you believe in God? Completely.
12.First thing to do when you wake up tomorrow? Look at the wall clock from my side of the bed
13.Where are you right now?office
14.Your name spelled backwards. nelliug iap
15.Where were you born?: city of smiles, bacolod
16.What is the last thing you downloaded? picture of the prince of monaco
18.Are you registered to vote? yes. will i vote? depends.
19.Do you have a car?no.
20.Do you like rollercoasters?no fucking way.
21.Chattin with...? aubrey whom i met through tin
22.Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? bungee jumping maybe
23.Are you shy? - Is the Pope a Catholic? Go figure, again.
24.Do you think you're popular?no
25.Chips or popcorn?chips
26.Are you a good cook?i'm adequate
27.Best thing in the world? friends, family, good conversations, food!
28.Have you ever broken a bone? - do sprains count?
29.Have you ever won a trophy?-for academics, sports and others. mayabang? haha!
30.What is your favorite board game?- cranium, played it only once though
31.Do you bake cakes? will learn how to this year, pramis!
32.Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? antibiotics for Miles
33.Do you believe in love at first sight?- hell, no!
34.Whats your favorite song right now?-true colors, me singing, my bro on guitars
35.How many pairs of shoes do you own?i lost track
36.Last song stuck in your head? you raise me up, lola singing
37.Any pets? no pets allowed
38.Worst Local TV show as of the moment? the one with robin and angel
39.Color of most clothes you own: green and brown
40.Whose picture(s) do you carry in your wallet?mine and miles'

WALANG MAGAWA

2005-06-29T04:55:00.000-07:00

Dahil ang tagal nito ni Rolly Ben na dapat kasabay kong umuwi, I checked if this blog site of mine is still working. Baka kase expired na at di na pwedeng gamitin.

Dahil nai-post ko ito, ibig sabihin working pa!

Bwah!!!!

Of Finding Answers and Who I Am

2004-10-03T01:06:00.000-07:00

I have never been one to really care on searching for reasons to “why” questions. Easy if we know the answers are written in some textbook written by some author with a name you’ll come across only once in your life. If the question concerns life in general, I find it easier to believe what is there, what my eyes can see and what in my mind has been proven to be existent. It makes everything so much easier to comprehend. I have always maintained that the time lent to us to live life is too short to care. This being, I believe that I should not spend much time searching for answers because most of the time, they are already provided. If I hold on to something which is not there, who am I fooling? I will just make pathetic excuses before I realize I have wasted many hours looking for the answer that was there all along, staring back at me in the face. Long before have I realized, I could only count the number of times when I really exerted effort to even just try to find answers to questions I ask myself. Before it even gets to the effort part, I make sure to have an affirmative reply to a single question. Do I feel the need to really understand? That notwithstanding, I find everything else follow. I see myself in a path which ultimately points to one idea, KEEPING IT REAL.

I don’t know why I am writing about this. Fact of the matter is, I don’t know why I am writing now. I don’t even know if I’m making some sense here. I have an answer - I just don’t know.

People who will get to read this (total: 2) might say I am downbeat. I will not refute that for it is what their eyes and minds are telling them from reading thoughts I have penned. I have only this to say, I can sugar-coat happiness but never reality. But how do you handle reality if it is exactly what you are scared of? You can either face it or you can run away. And when you make that choice, stick to it like dirt sticks to one’s body. No ifs, no buts.

Black or white. Yes or No. Hot or Cold. Water or Fire. Best explains the person that I am.

I can be good. I can be mean. I can be raucous. I can be really quiet. I can get so dumb. I can be smart. I can be a workhorse. I can be lazy. I can be obnoxious. I can be humble. I can be numb. I can be sensitive. I can be tolerant. I can be impatient. I can be strong. I can be weak. I can be tough. I can be a cry baby. I can be pessimistic. I can be hopeful. I can be giving. I can be selfish. I can be a best friend. I can be a person’s worst enemy. I can be a sweetheart. I can be a nightmare. I can be opinionated. I can keep things to myself. I can give everything to a friend and friendship. I can cut off a friend for life. I can get overly involved. I can stay away the farthest I could.

It is a choice. It can be for the right or wrong reasons. It can do me good or bad. Whatever comes out of each choice, I make it a point to make a reality check. If by any chance I find myself levitate, doing a reality check pulls my feet back to ground. I like making things simple. I hate complications. I like keeping it real.

I am grateful that I am given the power to choose, to decide, to opt for what I want.
Most people can only wish for that.

Two nights ago, I made a choice. Nothing sort of life changing really. I can not yet see what is going to come out of that choice. Hopefully, it will make things simple. And it will keep my state of mind in check.

Exhausted. Gloomy. Sick. Numb. More or less explains how I feel at the moment. The past few days went by with a flurry of activities that left me physically and emotionally drained. I found myself right smack in the middle of things where intentions are said to be all for the best.

Maybe, just maybe, that is the reason why I found myself writing today.